Five Minute Fridays: Ache

I'm joining the Gypsy Mama for her Five Minute Friday Challenges. We write because we love words and the relief it is to just write them without worrying if they’re just right or not. No editing, no back peddling. We take five minutes on Friday and write like we used to run when we were kids. On Fridays we write like we believe we can fly. Won’t you join us? Today's subject: Ache

Could it be six years now, little one? Six years ago this very month.

I remember the day I saw the positive pregnancy test, my hands shaking as I waited the three minutes to see a plus or minus. Joy and terror had never felt so akin to each other as I held that little piece of plastic.

This was not in my five year plan, not yet.

I was barely 7 weeks but I felt you from the day I knew of you. You may not have been able to kick yet, but I could feel your bouncing baby spirit resting inside of me. I could feel your fiery, feisty personality, not unlike your Mamma.

And I remember the day you left, a few precious weeks later.

It wasn't the blood that told me.

No, it was the void.

You were like a sprite, here and there, gone the next. And then I wasn't really sure if you were ever there...if I ever really felt you, or if I just wanted to.

In the throes of grief the mind wanders and wanes, wondering what was real and what was imagined. But somewhere deep inside I knew that the feisty, energetic spirit I felt was you, and that maybe, just maybe you were too wild, too wonderful for the world at large.

That you had to go back to where you could run free--uninhibited by a physical body. A place where you could fly anywhere you wanted to, and walk hand in hand with God in the cool of the day.

But my arms, oh they ache to hold you still, to comfort you, to reign you into me.

And maybe, my little flutterfly, that's just why you had to go.

I do miss you still though, my arms....they always will.


  1. Wow! this touched me. Thank you.

  2. You have put words so well to this ache which so many of us have experienced. Blessings.

  3. You have put so well into words what some of us haven't experienced so that we may be able to help those that have. I have a friend who is never far from my thoughts who I just want to help but without understanding I'm not sure I'm much help. Thank you for being brave to share.


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