Money and Heart Matters
I was twelve and we were traveling to a resort in Colorado. My dad, the ever adventurous driver had chosen the steep, windy road around the mountain. It encircled the bottom and creeped it's way up, and it felt like it would never end.
"She'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes..."
Remember that song? I sang it in the back of our Ford Econoline van ad naseum the whole way up --hey, it was catchy (my family would say, annoying.) I'd sing it again and again, louder and louder, until my mom kindly suggested "the quiet game." (I always lost at that.)
I don't know about you, but there have been points in my life where I felt like I continued "going around the mountain." It was a period of time where the same thing kept happening over and over again, and I found myself walking in circles instead of climbing to victory.
We've all been there.
Stuck.
We move forward but certainly not upward, and it seems like the valley will never end. For my husband and I the lesson at hand was finances. Kevin had grown up poor, and I'd grown up never really learning much about it, and so together we blindly led each other deeper and deeper into debt and financial ruin. When we finally had gotten low enough that we had exhausted asking family members, we went anywhere we could--church, friends.
And we were turned down, but not away. We were offered a different sort of help than simply a check, and we didn't want it.
So....can you guess what I'm going to say?
We went around the mountain again. This time felt like it would last forever and the valley (along with our hearts) became so dark that it was hard to see any hope. I cried out for days before I heard a still small voice.
Do you trust me.
Yes, Lord.
Nope, do YOU trust me.
This time He'd caught me. No, no I did not.
"She'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes..."
Remember that song? I sang it in the back of our Ford Econoline van ad naseum the whole way up --hey, it was catchy (my family would say, annoying.) I'd sing it again and again, louder and louder, until my mom kindly suggested "the quiet game." (I always lost at that.)
I don't know about you, but there have been points in my life where I felt like I continued "going around the mountain." It was a period of time where the same thing kept happening over and over again, and I found myself walking in circles instead of climbing to victory.
We've all been there.
Stuck.
We move forward but certainly not upward, and it seems like the valley will never end. For my husband and I the lesson at hand was finances. Kevin had grown up poor, and I'd grown up never really learning much about it, and so together we blindly led each other deeper and deeper into debt and financial ruin. When we finally had gotten low enough that we had exhausted asking family members, we went anywhere we could--church, friends.
And we were turned down, but not away. We were offered a different sort of help than simply a check, and we didn't want it.
So....can you guess what I'm going to say?
We went around the mountain again. This time felt like it would last forever and the valley (along with our hearts) became so dark that it was hard to see any hope. I cried out for days before I heard a still small voice.
Do you trust me.
Yes, Lord.
Nope, do YOU trust me.
This time He'd caught me. No, no I did not.
In fact, I didn't trust anyone to take care of me, BUT me. Long ago I'd made an inner vow about caring for myself that had me bound up and blind, and currently circling endlessly around a mountain that I was made to climb.
It was at that moment I knew, God didn't want my money....He wanted my heart.
Giving, stewardship--that was all an outward sign of an inward state of the heart and mine was ugly. It was distrustful, wounded, and walled off.
The best thing that ever happened to me was finally being told 'no' because it gave me the chance to evaluate my own walk, and to realize that I was finally done burrowing deep circles in the overtrodden path. I was ready to climb .
So-- climb I did.
God is patient you see. He isn't keeping us stuck because He's sadistic, in fact He isn't keeping us stuck at all. Our 'stuckness' actually has more to do with us, than with Him. A pastor once told me "God is a gentleman, He waits on us." James 4:8 says "Come near to God, and He will come near to you." He always waits for us to make the first move--gentle, kind and ever patient.
Do you feel like you're encircling your own mountain? Do you feel stuck? Abandoned? Confused? God hasn't forgotten you, nor is He torturing you. Step back from the situation and look deep into your heart--you may be suprised what you find there. Sometimes it is our hearts, it's judgements and vows, that keep us stuck right where we are. And the enemy---oh---he'd like to keep it that way.
But God, He is there, He is speaking.
It was at that moment I knew, God didn't want my money....He wanted my heart.
Giving, stewardship--that was all an outward sign of an inward state of the heart and mine was ugly. It was distrustful, wounded, and walled off.
The best thing that ever happened to me was finally being told 'no' because it gave me the chance to evaluate my own walk, and to realize that I was finally done burrowing deep circles in the overtrodden path. I was ready to climb .
So-- climb I did.
God is patient you see. He isn't keeping us stuck because He's sadistic, in fact He isn't keeping us stuck at all. Our 'stuckness' actually has more to do with us, than with Him. A pastor once told me "God is a gentleman, He waits on us." James 4:8 says "Come near to God, and He will come near to you." He always waits for us to make the first move--gentle, kind and ever patient.
Do you feel like you're encircling your own mountain? Do you feel stuck? Abandoned? Confused? God hasn't forgotten you, nor is He torturing you. Step back from the situation and look deep into your heart--you may be suprised what you find there. Sometimes it is our hearts, it's judgements and vows, that keep us stuck right where we are. And the enemy---oh---he'd like to keep it that way.
But God, He is there, He is speaking.
Gently He is calling. Calling you to climb. Can you hear Him?
Alex, thank you so much for being brave enough to post this. God just smacked me up long side my head and said, 'see, you really don't trust me either!' Wow!
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