Two imperfect people...
It's six am in the morning and my husband has for what must be the 80th time, hit his snooze button. But he doesn't wake up, no, I do. I'm really his alarm. His alarm jolts me awake and then I canoodle and kick him until he is too. This morning I'm especially annoyed. It's early and we went to bed only a few hours ago thanks to how hot it seems to get in our room (yet how cold it is in others.) Annoyed, I'm tempted to yell. Thoughts run through my mind and I know looming on the horizon is the start of another fight. I imagine it in my head; Why are you so inconsiderate? Why do you always wake me up earlier than need be? And how about that time last week where you lied to me? Here it goes. The fight. The fight that ends up bringing up things that don't even relate to my husband's inability to wake up in the morning. Somehow I've gone from alarm etiquette to past transgressions, which in turn only makes me angrier at him for what he's done and me for still harping on it. Sound familiar?
I get up after he leaves in a huff to watch the morning news. They're airing a special on divorce and how to do it without losing your sanity. I think, is that even possible? I mope around thinking that right now divorce doesn't sound half bad and I suprise myself. Divorce is a word I fling around sometimes but rarely, alright never, do I mean it. I remember the first time it was brought up. I was fighting with my husband and had called a dear friend to let out the steam and she said the words I'd never considered. "Why not just divorce him?" I couldn't answer her then. I didn't know why I just couldn't. I was a pretty young woman, talented, smart, funny. I deserved better right? Darnit, I deserved prince charming if he was out there!
But then I stopped myself. I always do when I it comes to "divorce." It makes me think of lonely night in bed without my husband, empty dinner tables, and one way conversations with myself, and these are thoughts I cannot bear. For all my husbands faults, I know I have them too. We've weathered through abject poverty, job loss, the loss of two parents, porn addiction, weight gain, pathological lying and near adulterous behavior from both sides. We've hurt each other and been hurt, and yet, here we are still married and mostly happy.
I'd be lying to any married couple if I told them that marriage was all romance and happiness. We're all broken people. Because we're broken we look for something to fix us, fix our hole that we know stands right in the middle of our heart. We look for someone to make us less lonely, more confident, and more fulfilled. We think, albeit mistakenly, that another human being can do this. We think that they can define us, satisfy us, and make life better. We grow up hearing Cinderella stories of prince charming and dream that he is out there. He won't be perfect, but he'll be perfect for me, we think. Never when we're children do we dream of nights on the couch, screaming matches, or silent treatments.
But the truth is we've been had. Yes, women, we've all been had by the world that tells us all we need is a man. There is only one being who can help fulfill, and satisfy that hole in your heart and it isn't Tom Cruise.
When we enter into marriage, into the covenant of marriage, we agree to stay married "for better or worse." It sounds awful doesn't it? For worse? But I don't think that's in there because God wants us to stay married even when we're unhappy. That's the wrong perspective. I think God wants us to realize something very important about life, love, and happiness.
Happiness cannot come from another person. That's just too much weight to put on anyone. Nobody is perfect all of the time. Nobody can meet your needs all the time....except One. I think of all the times I've failed my husband and God. How many times I've been deliberately hurtful and I think how blessed I am that both still love me unconditionally. That's the beauty of being married. Unconditional love. That's the 'for better or worse in action.' It's saying to someone else the same thing God says to you daily: I love you no matter what you do.
It took me a long time to realize this. To realize exactly what I needed and wanted out of my marriage. And it took me a long time to find the freedom to release my husband of fulfilling my every expectation and need. He couldn't but God could. And that's why you see two broken people like us married, and hopefully so for a long, long time. We're just two imperfect people walking this road together. That's the important part. That's unconditional love walked out. That's marriage.
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