Inner Vows and Judgements

The Wounds that we received as young girls did not come alone. They brought messages with them, messages that struck at the core of our hearts, right in the place of our Question. Our wounds strick at the core of our femininity. The damage done to our feminine hearts through the wounds we received is made much worse by the horrible things we believe about ourselves as a result. As children we didn't have the faculties to process and sort through what was happening to us....the vows we make as children are very understandable-and very, very damaging. They shut our hearts down. They are essentially deep seated agreement with the messages of our wounds.

I think it's safe to say that every woman can look back into their lives as children and see where they were wounded, and what vow came out of it as a result. If you were picked on as a child, maybe your vow was to always hide behind the scenes to protect yourself. Or if your dad called you ugly maybe your vow was "I'll never let another man talk to me like that again," or maybe you just never got the attention a little girl needs and so you found that attention from other men as you grew up. We all have them.

Wounds. Hurts. You cannot live life as a woman on this planet without having your heart assaulted.

I remember mine so vividly. I remember them teasing me for being awkward. And so I vowed to myself that I'd stay behind the scenes. I covered myself in food and weight to hide, hoping not to be hurt again. I remember my father calling me stupid, ugly, a moron, and I vowed to myself that I'd never let a man make me feel like that again. So somewhere between my childhood and now I lost the ability to be beautiful and vulnerable. Being vulnerable, in a good way, is one of women's best qualities. We are emotional, nurturing, easy to connect with, when our hearts are in alignment with what God says about us. I think that's why a tough, harsh woman is so disturbing. I'm not talking about tough, as in strength. I'm talking about tough as in "don't get too close to me," tough. The kind of tough that makes it hard to make friends because no one can really know you.

That was me. When our hearts are wounded as children they set up what we believe about God and consequently ourselves. A little girl who is sexually abused begins to think God doesn't care and that she's not worth anything. The little girl who is picked on will view God as mean and herself as ugly. So many examples, so little blog space. The truth is, you're wonderful. I'm wonderful.

Regardless of what our parents, friends, boyfriends have told us. It's so hard to let go of those inner vows, but we can do so with His help. It's one more step to being able to radiate the beauty that God wants us to have. Here are some practical steps that have helped me. Know that God needs to be with you during these so seek him. Go somewhere quiet and ask him about these steps. Ask him to help you grieve, understand.
1. Grieve. It's okay to grieve that you never had the dad who protected or doted on you, or the mom who bonded with you. It's fine to be upset about your past. Grieve for it. Grieve for that little girl. When you grieve, you can come to terms with it.

2. Understand. Understand that the people who hurt you didn't do so to tell you a quality about yourself. They hurt you because HURT people HURT others. They hurt and they took it out on you. It was never about you at all. It was about their problem.

3. Forgive. Forgive those who hurt you. Forgive them for the problem that caused them to wound you. Forgive God too. Remember that because we have free will, others free will can impede on ours. God cannot stop it, because if he did, we'd all be pawns on a chessboard. God above all is a fair God. He lets us choose good or evil.

4. Heal. Go somewhere and read the book Song of Songs in the bible. Realize that is God talking about you. Let go of those vows as you grieve, understand, and forgive. These steps are not possible without God. He is the lifegiver, healer, chain and bond breaker.

Allow his still small voice into your heart. What vow has taken over your life? What lie did you believe? Let God help you find the freedom you need to overcome it.


  1. This really impacted me on a day that I needed it. Thank you.


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